I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
