Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
