Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
