I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
