I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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