I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
