That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
