Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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