i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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