i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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