Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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