FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
