i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
