I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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