I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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