I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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