My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
