So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
