big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
