he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
