Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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