I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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