she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
