I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dicks are not precious.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
