Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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