I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
