Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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