I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
