I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
