My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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