Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
