I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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