Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So gin and wine won't be happening again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
