i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
