I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
