And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
