I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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