just come out here and I will go home with you...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
