then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He shit in the fireplace
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
