I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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