I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she looked like the before picture.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
