Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
