Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
