ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
