Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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