I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
