accomplished twins. life is a go
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
