Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I came so hard my ears popped.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
