Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
