She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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