She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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