im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
