i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
