We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
