some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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