sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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