This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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