Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
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