Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
