the day after is always just damage control
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
