I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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