Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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